Carol's Corner Holiday Edition 2017

Carol’ Corner, Holiday 2017

I haven’t written anything in a while. And for a while, I felt, well, maybe I said all I have to say, and I have no more to give, and then… there I was, On my way to the Equinox Christmas party, I stopped by an Al-Anon meeting with a friend. It was my first time.  I was immediately struck by everyone’s testimonials. So much shame and guilt, so much self blame and feelings of being unworthy, inadequate or self punishment for not living up to someone’s expectations. There were people struggling with perfectionism, and not feeling adequate, that they weren’t accomplishing enough or didn’t deserve their success. My first reaction was that I wanted to stand up and let them all know, YES! You are enough, and it’s ok and the universe forgives you and no one is perfect and it’s ok… be whatever you are, and it’s enough, it’s ok !

Why did they feel they were to blame? Why did they judge themselves so harshly? Why did they feel their efforts weren’t enough?

I don’t know if it’s society or New York City in particular that puts so much expectation on us to succeed and be perfect or why we feel that is tied to love and acceptance. But I realized in that meeting, that wow, I am a very forgiving person, always giving three and four chances to all and it is enough, we are all enough!

I could never be blamed for punishing myself for my shortcomings. There are so many, and who has the time. It seems so counter productive and hurtful. I have always felt, I am so imperfect filled with so many flaws, how can I hold others accountable? And if we can all forgive, we can all be forgiven.

We are human, and so we are imperfect. And while we don’t want to hurt others, that’s really where blame should stop. If we are trying, and trying to be good people. Shouldn’t that be enough?

They were beating themselves up and so hard on themselves, I just wanted them to know, we shouldn’t and don’t expect perfection. We only care about authenticity and kindness and if you try your best, that’s all anyone can expect. We as a society should learn and send out a better message, that we as a people, will pick up the pieces, forgive and help where needed.

It seemed to me in that little meeting, that there were a lot of hurting souls for no reason. Perhaps during this Holiday time especially,  that is what we need to focus on, Forgiveness… and on a large scale and let everyone know, just try your best and that is good enough.

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